"For what it's worth... it's never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
New Years is one of my favorite holidays. Honestly, it's probably my favorite. To me, it's just magical. The parties, the resolutions, the cheers, the songs, the friends. Staying up until midnight. Being there with people you love for that new beginning. I think to me, my favorite part about New Years is the word "new." We all love new things, right? New clothes, new car, new shoes, new phone, new year, new beginnings. Almost everyone I know makes resolutions every year. I mean, I try to make resolutions but usually the year sneaks up on me and it's New Years Eve and I'm frantically trying to come up with things to work toward. Well, settle in for a mini linguistics lesson.
I love the word resolve. To resolve (when used as a verb) means to "decide firmly on a course of action." And resolve is the root word of resolution. Resolution is a noun that means "a firm decision to do or not to do something." BUT when the word resolve is used as a noun it means "a firm determination to do something" which is a synonym to resolution and I like that definition a lot better. It's not just a decision, it's a determination. And that's how I'm approaching 2018. I don't want to continue on through my life haphazardly making decisions. I want to live a determined and intentional life. Yeah, yeah. I know you don't have to wait until December 31/January 1 to start over or to make a change and I know I'll probably end up changing my resolutions or adding some or whatever, but it's December 31st and there are some changes I want to makes and some things I want to start over on, so it's convenient. Let me have this, okay?
This year hasn't been the best for me. Can I say it's been a bad year? No, I can't. Why? I'm breathing, my heart is still beating, I'm healthy, I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, I have a family that loves me, I attend an incredible University, I have a great job, and countless other things going for me. Can I say it's been the best year I have ever had and would give anything to re-live it? HAHA. No. I've dealt with a lot of disappointment. A lot of heartbreak. A lot of bitterness, hatefulness, anger, sadness, tears, hurt, pain, and sleepless nights BUT, I survived. So, while it hasn't been the best year for me, it's definitely not been the worst because despite the heartbreak and tears and hurt there was love and laughs and learning. And despite not always thinking I was going to make it through, I'm still here. I'm still breathing. And most importantly, my heart is still beating.
I don't want to keep living like I always have, though. Maybe you've got it all together and are on top of things and if that's the case, shoot me an email with any and all suggestions because goodness knows I need them. There's a lot of changes I want to make to my life. This time next year I'll be a college graduate and will be in the "real world" and will (hopefully) be teaching a class full of angry, hormonal high school students (I don't know who to ask for more prayers for: me or my future students) so I want to start working towards the best Rachel I can be now. There's no better time than the present, right? I always thought resolutions were really personal (and some of them definitely are and I won't be sharing all of them) but accountability is important and vulnerability is, to me, a beautiful thing because we're all human and we all hurt and struggle and strive to do better so why not hurt and struggle and strive to do better together?
With that, here we go. Here are 10 of my resolutions for the new year.
This year, for 2018, I resolve to:
1. Strive every single day to be more Christlike. I want to love people the way He loved. To care about people the way He cared about people. To see people as souls, not just as the things they've done.
2. Spend less time behind a screen. There's a lot I'm missing beyond that computer/TV/cellphone screen.
3. Wake up earlier. I love sunrises and I want to be there for more of them.
4. Learn to forgive myself. God has already thrown my sins into the depths of the sea, and if He can, I can, too.
5. Allow myself to be inspired by people but not allow myself to imitate them. I've kinda lost who she is, and it's hard to remember sometimes, but Rachel is a pretty cool person that doesn't need to copy other people to be awesome.
6. Love myself more. The same God that created mountains and oceans and galaxies looked at you and thought the world needed one of me, too. Be gentle with yourself, Rach.
7. Worry less about being thin or pretty. Those things aren't important, really. It doesn't matter how thin you are or how many people think you're pretty if you don't even like yourself. Thin and pretty are just relative anyway. Worry more about being strong and kind and resilient and caring and compassionate and loving and thoughtful.
8. Do the things that scare me. I'm going to start rock climbing. I'm going to get back into yoga. I'm going to go hiking more. I want to start running. Sure, all these things scare me because I'm scared to start and then fail, but the only real failure is the failure to try, right?
9. Read my Bible every. single. day. How can I be Christlike if I don't even know what Christ was like? How can I know God if I don't know anything about God? (Here's a hint. I can't.)
10. Not give up. I'm so young and the world is so big and just because I haven't found IT yet, doesn't mean I will never find it. My big dream, my big break, my big love, my big life. It's out there. It's waiting on me. When the going gets rough and I'm starting to believe that I'm not going to make it and this life is just too hard and it might win, I just need to remember how far I've already come and how much I've endured and how much grace has already been bestowed upon me and that this life can't possibly win because Jesus has already won and when I think I can't, I know He can.
Happy, Happy New Year.